November 4, 2008

sahm no more...

for all of you sweet women who work outside the home please don't read this post because it will make me seem so ungrateful....

i am entering the work force tomorrow for the first time in 4 years.  when maya came to us i had a job i loved at a plant nursery and i did daycare in my home and ran my little business at home. we had waited so long to have a little one that we decided it was time for me to stay home with her and just do the business and be a mom.  i have been lucky for most of our married life to only work part time or do daycare in our home.  dave and i both have always felt that it was important for me to be home as much as possible.  well, tomorrow, my time as a sahm is over.  money is tight and the only way for us to get by is me working.  luckily i have been blessed to find a great part time job that pays well and will work around my husband's crazy schedule.  but damn i don't want to.  i want to just keep staying home.  i want to be here everyday when my girls wake up and see everything they do during the day.  i want to be here everyday when mady comes home from school just like i have been.  what if things change? what if i miss out on things?  will mady still tell me every detail of her day even if i'm not here when she walks through the door?  i know everything will be ok but i'm a little sad tonight.  so, see, it's better that women who work full time don't read this post.  i know they would be thinking,' woman buck up, i've had to work full time for years and you have been one lucky girl to be able to stay home as long as you have'.  don't get me wrong, i am very grateful.  i have always felt lucky to do what i've done.  i just wanted to cry a little tonight and then get on with it.  so i guess that's what i'll do.  wish me luck.

8 comments:

Kristina P. said...

Marci, I can't believe you aren't making millions with your cute business!

I'm going to do a blog post, featuring all my bloggy friend's businesses and fabulous talents, and you will definitely be on there.

And it's not wrong to feel sad! Let it out!

Mindy said...

I'm sorry, Marci! I have been blessed to be able to do various jobs during the time when my kids are at school, so I can be there when they get home. It would be hard to give that up. I hope your financial situation gets better!

haley said...

don't feel like a whiner!!! i totally understand and i think even those working moms will feel for it. its hard working outside the home (mentally!), but it can be an escape as well. good luck!

don and jacki said...

i am truly crying for you! nothing is worse than having to go to work and leave your kids! i would still like to be a stay at home "gramma", but if i did, i would really be broke! with 'nothing' (fun) to do but spend (know what i mean?).
hang in there, it will get better!

Rachel H. said...

It's true--you have a right to feel sad and mourn the loss of the life you have had. Give your job a couple days--let things settle in. I bet you will start to see the best of both worlds! You are wonderful!

Marci said...

thank you everyone...you made it much easier for me.:) thanks for letting me whine a little and for feeling sorry for me.;) lol
you guys rock!

Torina said...

I am an aspiring SAHM. So is my husband :) I can very much relate, because as much as I like my job, I would much rather be at home with my kids. I hope your new job is enjoyable!

Mel said...

call me on the 17th - i'll be back to work that day. we can cry together.

however, the 1st day the paycheck comes - you can be happy for a second.

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