June 26, 2009

blogging...

i've been transferring all of my bookmarks to google reader...thank you apron girls for the suggestion. as i've looked at all of these blogs that i've bookmarked over the last year or so i realized something. i used to look at all of these other women and be so envious of their talents...writing, crafting, sewing, photography, yada yada yada. that is how i became a blog stalker really. the thing is i've met quite a few of these women in person. i've learned about them and their insecurities and the people that they blog stalk because they are envious of their talents. isn't it funny? i'm so glad that i have gotten the opportunity to become friends with these people because they make me realize that we all have strengths AND we all have insecurities. even those that we look at and think are perfect look at others and think they are perfect. it's silly really...anyhoo, just an observation.;D have a great day and go around with your head held high because chances are someone looks at you and thinks your the coolest thing since sliced bread!
probably me.:D

June 23, 2009

goodbye...

my dad passed away today.  i'm glad that i got to see him a few times in the past week.  we were able to say the things to each other that we needed to.  he got to see mady, which made him so happy and he got to meet the little ones.   they were as cute as ever for him and gave him big hugs and kisses...he liked that.  so, i'm glad that i went.  i have had a couple of friends who also have had rocky relationships with their dad talk to me and i had an aha moment.  the difference between me and them is that i have a lot of good memories with my dad.  i am so grateful for that.  i'm so grateful that i just get to remember the good and the bad is fading into the background.  i'm just grateful that he was my dad and that i had him in my life.  so goodbye dad...i know you are in a better place and that you are happy.

*thank you dear friends for all of the kind words on that post before.  it's so amazing when you realize all of the people who care for you and are there to back you up when you need it.  i hope you know that i would be there for you too.

June 22, 2009

GO GIRLS!


-k i met the coolest girl at soap making class the other day.  her name is olivia and she has a little group called GO GIRLS!  the idea came to her one day when she was taking a class about water storage and the speaker asked the question...how are you going to feel when your little one tells you that they are so thirsty in the event of an emergency and you have no water to give them.  she decided right then that she needed to get going.  so she started this little group of ladies and they meet once a month during summer and twice a month during the school year.  each time one of the ladies teaches about something she wants to get accomplished...then each of those women go out and do it!  they either have to have it accomplished when they come for the next meeting or have a plan on how they are going to accomplish it.  they'll kick you out of the group if you don't do it!!!  seriously.  i love it too because they are CHEAP and so they understand the need to keep costs down.  i'm totally joining them.  if you are interested and live remotely close to the valley then let me know and i'll give you her info.

yay!


i know that you will all find this hard to believe (;D) but i just finished my very first head to tail quilt on my own.  it's for my little niece, mckinley, and it was super easily done with a couple of the little charm packs. i decided to make a quilt every time a niece or nephew is born.  sorry all of the ones that came before, i just started this tradition.  you better have some more adorable nieces and nephews for me and then you can have one too! 

*just a small shout out to ginny my amazing sister with a quilting machine...contact me if you want info on her...she does a great job!  oh and to my mom for helping me figure out that crazy continuous binding again.   also to heather bailey for the tutorial on corners.  i couldn't have done it all myself without you guys!;D

June 21, 2009

big d & fatherhood...


once upon a time, a long 16 yrs ago, i was a single mom.  i had a beautiful baby girl but was runnin a little short in the love department.;D  then big d showed up AGAIN in my life and the rest is history...we are a happy family.  well we are a stubborn, sarcastic, sometimes happy family.  just keepin it real people.

the point of it is this...it's father's day.  big d is a great father and deserves a little pat on the back for being one.  so i'm going to tell you why he is. 
  • he is a father to 3 girls who are emotionally all over the place and has a wife who is me...not an   easy task. 
  • he loves all of us with all the love he has.
  • he works hard then comes home and vacuums...never mind that is his happy place, he still does it and it's much appreciated.
  • he takes the little girls to the movies and out to dinner even though it makes him want to scream and pull what little is left of his hair out.
  • he is  good for a cuddle or hug whenever, wherever.
  • he gives them 5 otter pops at one time and i'll only give them 2.
  • he will clean up puke, poop, and deal with the kids anytime of the night...their mom is not nice in the middle of the night.  true story, my friends.  not nice at all.
  • he loves his girls and would fight to the death for any one of them.  believe it.  ask the boys that mady's brought home.  a couple of them could tell ya.
there are a bazillion other reasons that i could think of but mainly i just want to say...thank you handsome for being a wonderful father to our girls.  thank you for being there for us when we need you.  thank you for making us laugh.  thank you for taking me away from the crazy kids every once in a while and to the movies when i think my head is going to pop.  thank you, thank you, thank you.
love you....always & forever.
me

June 15, 2009

my dad...

i told myself when i started this blog that it would be a happy place where i would share the fluff of life.  no heavy, depressing, woe is me type of stuff.  well the last couple of months i have had something heavy weighing on my mind.  i've thought about it every day on and off and more so in the last few weeks.  every time i think about it the thought comes up that i should blog about this.  not for me, but for someone else.  i don't know who that someone is or if there is someone...i just know that usually that small voice is right and i should follow its direction even if it takes me out of my comfort zone.  so know this, i am still about the happy place and the happy light posts.  i just have to follow the voice...

i have no idea where to start this so i'll start at the very beginning.  my mom married ron when i was 3.  he's not my biological father, he's another story that doesn't need to be told.  but he is the only father that i've ever known and ever will.  when i was 6 he officially adopted me and i became his 'legal' daughter.  the thing is this...i was his daughter from the beginning.  i never remember feeling anything but love from him.  i was excited to see him driving up the drive and he was excited to see me.
my childhood was a turbulent one.  my parents were divorced and remarried several times and it wasn't the good kind of divorce where everyone comes out in the end still civil to one another.  i met my dad's divorce attorney's secretary when i was older and when i told her who my dad was she nearly fell over in her chair and swallowed her tongue...that's how unpretty these proceedings were.  i don't know if she ever quite believed that he was my dad.  that's a good thing.  but again all of that is a story that doesn't need to be told. 
the thing about this time is this...he never missed a child support payment, he never missed a weekend or holiday unless he was out of town, he spent time with me.  he took me to disneyland for the first time.  he was there for me when i needed him and generally was understanding.  when i was in the 8th grade he was out of town and a friend and i stole his car in the middle of the night.  it was snowing and we had a grand ole time flipping dooders in the church parking lot and driving around.  when we went to put the car back in the garage we got stuck in the front lawn and dug a big hole in it...then being the ground level genius that i was i didn't realize that the snow would melt all over in the garage and when he got home in the morning there would be puddles which would be a sure sign that someone had his car out the night before.  hmmm.  he called me the next day and told me that someone had taken his car the night before...did i know who that was?  me, uh no.  well that's ok the police took fingerprints and they can match them to whoever it was.  tears, sorries, please don't kill me's.  you know he never yelled at me.  he was mad but he also understood that i was a kid who made a stupid mistake.  not my first and certainly not my last.;D  that happened several times over the next few years and he always listened to me and tried to be understanding.  
now here's the catch with this man.  there was this side and there was another really mean side.  i don't really remember a whole lot about this side until i was 14.  being a teenager for me was a special kind of  hell.  i won't go into that...let's just say that after i was married i ripped my journal apart from that time of  my life and burned it because those were memories i never wanted to read about and most certainly didn't want my kids or grandkids to read about.  they were not happy for so many reasons i couldn't begin to tell you.  there is not one person in my life that knows about everything that happened then and no-one ever will.   when i was 14 my dad physically abused me for the first time.  it was harsh and mean and awful.  shortly after that he and my mom were married for the last time. things got different after that.  he and i had a different relationship.  he was still my dad, he still cared for me, we still had the special bond that we had always had, it was just different.  he beat me up a couple of times a year for the next 4 yrs.  i was not an easy kid, i will admit that, but no-one deserves to be hurt like that from someone they trust and love.
at the same time this was happening he also did good things.  he was a long-haul truck driver and he would take me on trips to california with him occasionally.  he would take me for breakfast and i could really talk to him about things.  when i was in cedar city going to school he would come through there a couple of times a week and my roommates and i would go meet him at 'ed & debs', a cafe out on the edge of town.  it was always me and at least a couple of other girls and he was happy to buy a meal for us college girls.  i have a lot of good memories of that time.  
when i was at school i got pregnant with mady and our relationship changed again.  he stopped talking to me and the next 7 months were bad.  he was not going to love her and she was never going to be his grandchild.  the funny thing is...after she was born she was the only baby that my dad ever changed a diaper for.  she was the only baby that he ever babysat.  one morning when she was a couple of weeks old we made him watch her while we ran to the store real quick.  when we came home he informed us that he had asked her if she wanted grandpa to go and make her some bacon and eggs and she had smiled which meant that she did.  she was his girl after that.
when she was six months old he abused me for the last time and he was out of my life.  i was an adult and no longer had to put up with that kind of treatment.  i didn't talk to him for about 3 yrs.  my uncle died and i decided that i couldn't live with the current situation with my dad.  i went and talked to him and although the dynamics of our relationship were different we were ok.  he made apologies that needed to be made and we had a sort of peace between us.  
that went on until 7 yrs ago.  a situation arose, not a physical situation.  just a mental and verbal one.  i decided at that time that i again was through.  we got together one time after that and i haven't seen him since then.  
present day...he has been in poor health for a long time.  he likes food a little too much and that and lack of physical fitness has taken its toll.  i saw my aunt a couple of months ago and she told me that he was dying and had just a couple of months left.  i asked her what i should do and she told me to just stay clear of him.  his bad personality traits were in full force and it would be the best thing for me to do.  then a few weeks ago i got another call.  he's at the end.  i called my step-brother and he told me that he had been so bad the weekend before that he surely should have gone.  so i've thought every day of what i should do.  do i go visit and risk unpleasantness?  i finally have gotten to a happy place about him.  what if it went badly?  i've talked to my sisters, my mom, my husband.  they all told me...go and visit him.  for your closure.  you know the thing is....about a week ago a peace came over me.  not a 'you shouldn't go' peace but just a peace that everything would work out.  today  i got a call from my step-brother.  i thought ok this is it.  it's over.  but he told me that my dad is hanging on.  he doesn't know why.  my step-brother and his wife both got the thought that it's me.  so he talked to my dad last night and my dad said that we should come.  he wants to see mady and if i wanted to come that would be ok.  i think that is what that peace was about.  i think that he needed to be ready to talk to me.  it had to come from him.  so we are going tonight.  am i nervous?  oh hell yes.  do i think that it will be alright? yes.  i wonder if he'll go after.  i wonder if that is what is keeping him here.  heavenly father works in pretty mysterious ways. 

so again, i don't know who needs this.  i hope whoever it is finds it.   

**all went well...thank you so much for the sweet comments and words of encouragement.  i really have the greatest friends and family!

June 13, 2009

check this out...

oh my...we got two of the best finds at the di yesterday.  i had to share.  first of all i found this awesome china set (i would show you but it's all wrapped neatly and settled in boxes until a perfect chance to use it comes along) and while we were wrapping it up one of the workers brought this out to fill the hole we made.

i thought, well that's pretty neat for $15, we might as well.  so i came home and looked it up online and wouldn't you know it's all fancy schmanzy and it's from england.  guess how much it would cost to buy it?  you will never freakin guess!!!  $298.00.  can. you. believe. that?!  thank you to the fancy schmanzy people who take things like that to the di.  we poor people will eat with a little more class because of you.;D

June 10, 2009

yahoo!

(picture stolen from creekside hollow primitives...sorry shonda!)

i am soooo excited!  i've been wanting to learn how to make lye soap for a couple of years now and i just found a class just two towns away!!!!!!!!  look for some sweet smellin homemade soap coming soon to a fallow field farm handmade marketplace (whew that's a mouthful) near you!

June 8, 2009

my sweetheart...

so i had a lunch today at my house with 7 of my dear sweet apron girl sisters.  it was so much fun and i loved having them all at my home.  but boy what a week it was getting ready.  we spent all week outside so that we could have it in the garden and wouldn't you know it rained today.  it was still awesome and we'll have to try again in the garden someday.  anyhoo...my dear sweet husband has been such a good sport and has hung pictures and mirrors and finished this and that.  he even drove to lehi for me this morning to have a lady put some vinyl on a window for me because we couldn't get it to work right!  that is dedication to me.;D  he's raked the entire yard and swept and sprayed things down and let me buy plants....the list is endless.  here's the thing about my guy...he's a doer.  he cleans house and does laundry and chores and does the outside stuff, he works hard at his job and is dang good at it.  he comes home and snuggles with the girls and watches movies...'happy feet' even.  this is the way that he shows his dedication to me and our girls.  by doing 'stuff'.  so big d, thank you for your dedication.  thank you for your hard work and support.  thank you for taking the little ones swimming so that i could enjoy this afternoon with the girls.  you really are amazing to me in so many ways and i don't tell you that nearly enough.:D  love you big guy.

so here are some pictures of a few of the 'honey do's' this week...

thank you mady for tackling the sewing room and for everything else you did today!
these are the very cute window picture frames that were a very big pain in the patootie to clean...but they turned out awesome!
the little ones room finally got decorated and big d hung thing after thing...
but it sure does look cute!
and finally the vinyl...blasted vinyl!  it looks so perfect though with the beautiful picture of the temple and the pictures of all of those people who made our little family possible.

ONCE AGAIN TO MY VERY AMAZINGLY AWESOME FAMILY, THANK YOU!!!


oh i don't want to forget these two little hooligans...thanks little ones for waiting all the way till monday to get to go swimming...you've been troopers.:D
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