December 3, 2010

kickin my trash...

so for the last, i dunno let's say 5 months, my bi-polar has been kickin my trash.
after months of not feeling good, having thoughts i don't want to have, hating my family, and
feeling like giving up,
i decided it was time to do something rash.
thanks to my awesome big sister who brought to my attention some info on some natural things
that might help me i have started on sort of a journey.
let's hope i can stick to it because i have no self control.
one of the things i have to work on.
anyways, back to my sister and her info.
i went to the health food store.
oh my overwhelming.
so then i came home and googled homeopaths in my area.
needed some help figuring out how to make all those naturals work together.
i went to the lady yesterday.
she made sense.
she told me my body is in the shape of someone much older than me.
no surprise there.
i came home with lots of herbs.
thank you hsa account!
so the beginning is today.

she told me i'm dehydrated.
yes i am.
what do you drink during the day?
just pepsi.
it's running through my veins actually. *wink*
now i'm drinking water.
80 ozs a day.
that's hard for me.
i think this is all going to be hard for me.
that's good.
that means i'm growing.
i've already drank 30 ozs today.
guess what else?
i made a green smoothie and drank a whole glass.
it's not bad actually.

so why am i telling you this?
because i am starting on a big ole journey.
i've got my bags packed and i'm really excited right now.
but pretty soon i'm going to have to climb mountains,
i know i will.
mental mountains.
i'm gonna need help.
so if you wouldn't mind sending good ju-ju my way i would appreciate it.
also prayers are good.
i know i can do it.
i have to do it.
i have to do it for me.
i also have to do it for the 3 girls who call me mom.
and the man who loves me.
and for my family who also loves me.
but mainly for me.
if i am alright then everything else and everybody else around me will be alright.

so thank you for supporting me.
i know you will.
because if you are reading this then you must like me a little.
or a lot.
*big smile*

thanks again to a big sister who loves me.


Kristina P. said...

Good luck on your journey, Marci! I am pulling for you.

Felicia said...

Sending a prayer your way!

I just read the other day (was it on KSL?) something about creatine and another substance that has been helping with bipolar and depression. I was very intrigued, as I've dealt with depression on and off for several years now.

You're HAVE to do it for your girls. And I know you can.

Mindy said...

Love you, Marci! I know you can do it.

don and jacki said...

Sis... Remember WHO you are! Heavenly Father didn't send us to this earth to fail. YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF A HEAVENLY FATHER, WHO LOVES YOU. You also have lots of family around that love you and think you're the BESTEST! Love you and good luck on your journey. You are always in my thoughts and prayers!! NO MORE KICKIN YOUR TRASH!!! Love ya, Jacki

dailygreenbar said...

Hi wow what a journey. Love reading changes you/others can make when you think outside the doctor/supermarket. I went through same but with me it was cancer and green smoothies are a major part of my life-check out gs blog. All the best-

Sue said...

Marci, Best wishes on your journey! Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way! XO Sue

Rachel Holloway said...

am here rooting you on through whatever changes you make. YOU CAN DO IT--I know you can, because I know the kind of incredible woman you are! Time to feel AWESOME inside... :)

the WINTERS family! said...

You are incredible!! Keep posting on how you're feeling, and what is working. Prayers and Love, Ginny

Anonymous said...

Prayers for you? Done! (ps. I think you're amazing.)

bri said...

i am doing the ugly cry right now. i can hardly see through my dripping mascara to type these words. i checked out in about august of last year. i joined the land of the living again in january. only to go through the motions, it has only been in the last few weeks that i am starting to feel again. i stopped blogging for the most part. i wasn't socializing. i was checked out. i can relate to this post in so many ways. i didn't reach out to anyone but my husband. i just recently confided in my bishop. and am seeing a dr. for anti depressants. i really wish that we connected sooner. i wish that i could have been there for you 6 months ago. i hope that our friendship can grow and that one day we will meet. i think you are an incredible person. a beautiful wife and mother. a wonderful woman and amazing friend. i believe that life is challenging, and that satan is real but although the adversary is strong remember he has the power to bruise our heel but we have the power to crush his head.

i believe this and i believe in you. :) i hope that makes sense...


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