March 27, 2010

matzah ball...

i was watching this episode of seinfeld last night and it reminded me of something...

the first time i told big d i loved him.  it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, really.
dave is one of those guys who doesn't like to say things that he doesn't know with a surety that he means.  so here is the conversation...picture us in his truck, sitting in front of his house.  it's thanksgiving and i've just spent it with his whole family.  we've been dating for a few months and i thought we were getting kind of serious.  keep in mind that we've also known each other for about 10 yrs. and have a history together and i'm a single mom who doesn't date just for fun anymore.
i'm trying to just make myself look a little less pathetic...

me: so, um i need to tell you something.

him: ok

me:  um i think i'm in love with you.

him: wow, that's really nice of you to say that.

me to myself:  holy shit, what did i just do?!
me to him:  um, yeah. so ok.

him:  i'm sorry, i'm just not quite there yet.

me:  oh, whatever.  not a big deal.
me to myself:  we. have. to. get. out. of. here. now. before i cry.

true story my friends.  i had never put that out there and not had a return.  ever.  and now with the guy i really meant it with....matzah ball.  eeek.

luckily the boy came to his senses.;D  we'll be celebrating 17 yrs this week and i just thought i'd share a few memories in the next couple of days.

have a good day!

March 20, 2010


this morning as i was doing my saturday morning ritual of catching up on my blogs i could hear some cute little voices coming from the living room...i figured they were playing with dolls of some sort...but this is what they were really playing with.

these two can play with just about anything and be happy.
thank you dr. smith for the awesome new toys!!

happy saturday everyone!

March 18, 2010

'nice' day...

yesterday was a day full of nice things...

i woke up to a very handsome man standing over my bed with  a
bag full of green donuts and a note that said this...
'thanks for being my beautiful pots of gold at the
end of my daily rainbow.'  love, dad
that's a good way to start a day.

about the middle part of the day this happened...
i have a friend that i met blog hopping one day.
i stole a quote from her blog and wrote a little about her.
then she was blog hopping and found the post that i
 had written about her.  we've been
commenting and emailing ever since.
well we were supposed to meet for lunch
a week or so ago and something came up and
we weren't able to meet.  when i talked to her that
day on the phone she told me that she had
a present for me and was so excited to give it to me.
she had read this post of mine.
she called every 'barnes and noble' until she found
it and talked them into holding one for her and she
bought it for me!  can you believe that?!  is that just the
nicest thing to do or what?  floored me.  i am so excited!!
thank you so much miss bri.

and then the big guy came home later in the afternoon
and told me the same guy who gave him the box truck (curses)
had just given him a 1994 ford tempo.  i was a little scared
about that at first but he took me and showed it to me and it's
really a nice little car.  it runs great and is pretty clean for
how old it is.  it will be perfect for mads until she can get her
other car up and running again.

can you believe the niceness?
i feel loved.

March 17, 2010

gold, rainbows, and leprechauns!

happy st. paddy's day me lads and lasses!

may the luck o' the irish be wit ya today!
and may there be gold at the end of all yer rainbows...

March 12, 2010

snow, at last...

no, not the white stuff silly.
snow college, home of the mighty badgers!

the oldest has been back and forth between here and dixie.  
after much deliberation and much pleading from her mom
she's decided to stay a little closer to home.  
whew...wiping sweat from my brow.
no, i would have been excited for her wherever
 she went but i think that snow is a good place to start off.
  they have a great cheer coach it sounds 
like and it's a little smaller and she's closer to her momma.
  ha ha ha. like that has anything to do with it.;D
so we're off to ephraim today to tour campus, talk about
scholarships and look at housing.  woo hoo.

have a beautiful day!

**we found a great apartment and that little school is a winner!  small class sizes, great professors, everyone is so friendly, and we saw lots of cute guys.  that's really all she was worried about i'm sure.;D

i'm sooo excited for her!!

March 9, 2010

teen suicide...

this post is not going to be a happy one.
i'm not going to talk about gardening or my kids or farm life.

i've been thinking a lot today about a very serious issue.  in the last month 3 teens in our area have ended their own lives.  3.  in a very small community.
i have several men in my family who are in law enforcement...they have given me an insight to suicide that i didn't have before.  most of the time when you see that obituary in the paper for a young person that has no cause of death, it is a suicide or an overdose.  look at your paper for a two week span and you will be shocked by what you see between the lines of those obituaries.  i know i used to be.

now i'm going to share a little about myself.  it may be tmi and if it is i'm sorry.  maybe it's something i shouldn't share but i'm going to anyway.
the first time i thought about suicide i was in the 5th grade.  i remember it clearly.  after that any time that life became too much for me that was the thought that i had.  i always thought that everyone had thoughts of suicide until i married the big guy and he told me that he had never thought about doing that.  ever.  that was one of the first clues that maybe my thought process was a little off.  after a few years of marriage and some seriously crazy moments in my life i sought out a professional.  she diagnosed me with bi-polar depression. i had something that could explain why things weren't always right in my head.  don't worry, i'm not like they portray people on law & order that are bi-polar.  i would never push anyone in front of a subway...promise.  i also don't have serious manic episodes like some people do.  most of mine comes out in depression.  deep, dark, dank depression...luckily there is medication.  i will be on it for the rest of my life but i am so grateful that it is there for me to take.
you may ask why i am telling you this.  to the outside world i looked like a normal teenager.  i had problems that those close to me knew about but to the outsider i looked like a happy girl.  they didn't know that at times suicide ruled my thoughts.  i thought about it all the time at certain points in my life.  i still do at times.  luckily i have a husband and sister who i can openly talk to about it.  it took a lot of years for me to be able to do that but i can now.  i know deep in my heart that it really isn't an option.  i could never do that to the people in my life.  i love them too much even if i don't love myself sometimes.

these kids in the last month have brought to mind my teenage years.  the despair and aloneness that you can feel as a 16 or 17 year old.  you feel as though no-one understands, or that the pain that you are feeling is just too much for you to handle.
what can we do as parents, aunts, uncles, church leaders, etc... to help kids know that suicide is not the answer to the problems that they are having?  i think that the main key is open dialogue.  there are so many ads on tv about talking to your children about drugs and alcohol but not many about suicide.  yet it is the 3rd leading cause of death in people 15-24 and the 4th in kids from 10-14.  i think it is so uncomfortable for people to talk about.  as a parent you don't want to ever think that your child would do that.  and most of them will never even think of it.  but just in case they do wouldn't you want to know that you had prepared them for those thoughts?
let them know that there are so many people who love them.  that would help them, listen to them, get them help.  make sure they think about leaders or relatives or even help lines that will be there for them if they don't feel like they can come to you.  make sure they know that they can come to you and you will deal with it calmly and without judgement.
the thing can be something small that can bring these thoughts to mind...something small to us as adults.  i know as a teenager you feel things so much more because you haven't learned yet how to deal with the emotions of life.  and life is happening much earlier with our children.  so that thing that seems small to us can actually be huge to them.  just food for thought.  mainly i just wanted to tell you that it can be anyone.  it isn't just the kid who dresses all in black.  it's the football player who doesn't feel like he's living up to everyone's expectations.  the kid who maybe doesn't have the friends that he wishes he did.  the girl who has lost a friend or boyfriend.  the child next door whose parents are getting divorced or are abusive.  the young girl that is dealing with mental illness that isn't anyone you would think would be. you just never know.  prepare them, talk to them.  not just your own kids but the kids that you teach in church, the kids that seem to always be at your house.  i'm not saying take on the suicide talk with kids that aren't your own, but make sure they know that you truly love them and care what about what is going on in their lives.  make sure your kids know that you care and are there not just for them but for their friends if needs be.  i know that i have had many meaningful talks with girls in young women's about things that i could relate to that their parents couldn't.

i don't know if any of this makes sense but teen suicide is a tragedy and in my opinion it happens way too much.  sometimes no matter what you do it will happen anyway.  one of the kids who recently died in our community was a happy kid with a great family and a promising future.  you just can't see any warning signs sometimes.  i found a good website that gives some warning signs and ways that you can help.  again, i think the most important thing is communication.  open, non-judgemental, non-accusatory communication.  even if you think your kid would never even think about it.  they might.  i want to make it clear that i know that ultimately it is their decision and no matter what you do you can't make that decision for them.  i just want it to be something that you think about.

thanks for letting me get that out...

**if you want to leave a comment that is more helpful information or you want to share something then please do....i don't want to talk about me though.  i just wanted to tell you that so that you could understand why i feel the way i do about it and that it can be anyone, anytime.   so even though you love me and think i'm wonderful ;D, i'd rather keep it about the subject today ok? 

March 8, 2010


i LOVE cookbooks.
seriously love them.
i can read them just like 
i would read any novel.
and i have some pretty 
cool ones.  ones that i
use often by authors that
i would spend a day in the
kitchen with anyday
of the week if they'd let me!
 i have a new favorite.
i've put off buying this...

i've been on a hiatus from
reading her blog because
i get jealous and don't 
think it's fair that one
woman gets to lead such a 
charmed life...i know...
how petty can a person
be? unfortunately i can
be pretty dang petty at 
times. :p  i'm not proud 
of it but it's true.
so anyway back to the
story.  my little nephew is
getting married and 
there was a shower for his 
bride this past saturday
and it was a recipe shower.
i do love her recipes.
and my nephew and his
bride are kind of 
cowboyish so i thought
it would be perfect.
and since i was buying 
one for them i thought 
i might as well throw one
in the basket for me.
free shipping on amazon
if you buy over $25 so it
was practically free, right?
it came saturday and it 
is my favorite cookbook
of all time.  there are 
amazing photos, and
 the stories, that woman
has a way with words.  so i 
guess the hiatus is over...
and i will be cooking
all of the recipes in the book.
they all look so yummy.
i highly recommend adding
it to your cookbook 
collection...that is if you
love amazing photos
and funny stories to go 
along with yummy
 recipes that are 
and that will please even the 
pickiest of men and children.
damn that woman...
she's just hard to hate.

March 2, 2010


the roses.

2 down 11 to go...
only 1 swollen knuckle where i got 
stung by a thorn,
a few scratches on my arms,
and sore hands from the pruners.
good thing i love these stupid freaking flowers!

~got 5 more done today!!!  yeah!!
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