February 12, 2011

rambling on...

this picture has nothing to do with this post.
i'm getting excited for spring and flowers.
isn't a lilac the yummiest flower ever?

this post is probably going to be a rambler...beware.

once upon a time i had a uterus.
now i do not.
a little bit of this and that and voila...no more uterus.
that is the beginning to this ramble.

that particular part of my body and me have been at odds since i was in the 8th grade.
i'll let you figure that out.
it's been a source of a lot of pain.
it needed to come out.
here's the funny thing about it.
it made me a little sad.

here's an interesting thought for you.
a woman who knows for a fact that she cannot conceive never gives up hope.
at least i never did.
i haven't had fallopian tubes for about 8 or 9 years.
i always got a little tremble of hope when i was late.
even after those were gone.
maybe by some small miracle it could happen.
now i really have to give up that silly hope.
it really will never happen again.
that makes me a little sad.

it also was the place where my girl grew.
it's so weird to think that her little place inside of me is gone.
gone, gone, gone.
i know that is a little weird but it's true.
maybe i'm a little weird...HA!

so there is my ramble about my uterus.
hopefully it wasn't too much about something that shouldn't be talked about.
i hope not.

another weird thing.
i was going through files yesterday and came upon a little envelope of pictures
that i have with maya and her biological mom.
it's so crazy to think that my girl grew in someone else.
that there is another mom out there who can claim her as her own.
i get jealous.
i don't like to think about that part of adoption.
i'd rather just think that she magically appeared out of air.
she is magical.
it was a miracle.
i just have to share the miracle with another woman.
it jangles me up a little when i have to confront it head on.
i'm soooo glad that we have those pictures though.
she wouldn't do it with the little one and i feel sad for her that
she won't get to have that.
i know how important it is.

so there are my thoughts...my ramblings.
hug your little ones tight.
feel so lucky if you get to grow babies.
even if it's a rough time.
or it's not the right time.
think of if you couldn't do it.
if your body didn't allow that miracle.

here is the bright side....
you may feel a little jealous of me.
i never have to have a period again!!!
yay me!!:D

happy weekend!
i'm going out to start a fire and roast hot dogs in the back yard.
hurray for a somewhat sunny, above freezing day!

here's a big fat thanks so much to everyone who has called, texted, taken care of my girls, brought food, and cared and loved me.  you are all the reason i love life.


Rachel Holloway said...

yet another reason I love you to pieces!
Thank you for reminding me of that wonderful miracle. :) I imagine it's a bittersweet ending to that chapter in life...but man, no periods>! forever? That sounds pretty darn nice! :)

Tanya said...

I hope that you, my dear friend, have been receiving my texts to you! I haven't wanted to just pop in on you in case you haven't been up to it. So I have been sending you little texts. I have prayed for you and thought about you daily! I love ya! Let me know when you are up for me coming to see you ok? Love you!!

Griffin and Gretchen said...

thinking of you. hope you are feeling better.
you are so lucky to have 3 beautiful girls :)

bri said...

i'm so grateful for your blog. because even though we have never met, i'm getting to know more and more about you every day. and loving you more and more every day. take care my friend.

Mindy said...

I'm shedding a tear for your uterus. I loved your thoughts. I still have mine... but it's very much finished with its main job. I wish I would've had time to come visit you this weekend. I passed Lindon and thought of you. Love you!!!

Anonymous said...

You are amazing with or without a few miscellaneous parts.... Hope you're feeling better!

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